The loss of three of the most important people in her and her children’s lives, all within just a few months of one another, drove Ilze Lee to make a promise that led to the formation of an organisation that has transformed other people’s lives.
The Never Alone Project came about out of heartbreak, a time that saw Ilze and her children deal with their grief head on, and which has helped so many others do the same over the years.
In the first of a series of three articles in collaboration with TC Group Business Advisors and Accountants, Ilze Lee explains how TNAP began.
When people ask me how The Never Alone Project began, I often pause. The truth is it didn’t start with a grand idea, a business plan, or a strategic vision. It started with heartbreak.
I was with my dad when he took his last breath. It’s a sacred, painful experience to witness the end of a life, to hold someone’s hand as they leave this world. Losing a parent is a fear we all carry somewhere inside us, but when it happens, the reality is shattering. What I never imagined was that just nine days later, I would also lose my brother.
The news broke me.
In the months that followed, I couldn’t process what had happened. The grief became relentless, with nightmares so vivid I feared going to sleep.
And then came another blow. Only a few months later, my children’s father, Simon, died unexpectedly. He was young, and his passing left us all reeling. I still remember the hours between hearing the news and having to tell my children, who were just eight and eleven at the time. It remains the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Their faces as they heard the words are etched permanently into my heart.
It was then I made a promise: my children and I would deal with this grief head-on. I would do everything in my power to minimise its impact on their futures.
But when we searched for support, there was very little available. Waiting lists were long. Services were out of county. Sometimes it was a phone call with a stranger, with no continuity of care. We felt desperately alone.
One day, a kind friend sent my daughter a children’s book about loss. It was beautifully written, telling the story of an old tree dying and explaining the circle of life. But my daughter flung it across the room, shouting, ‘My dad wasn’t a tree!’. Her reaction said everything: the resources available simply didn’t meet the raw reality of what children actually go through.
That was the spark. Together, we wrote a children’s book, Upside Down, Downside Up, to help young people make sense of grief. At the same time, I immersed myself in learning everything I could about bereavement, eventually completing a Grief Recovery programme.
Becoming an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist was the next step, and once word spread, people began turning to me. First it was parents from my children’s school, then teachers, then other schools across the county. Soon it was the police, social workers, church leaders and other families. The demand grew so quickly that I couldn’t ignore it. That’s how TNAP was born.
From the beginning, it has been about walking alongside people through the darkest days of their lives. In our first year, we supported more than 150 people, and it soon became clear, I couldn’t carry the load alone.
I also knew I couldn’t entrust grieving families to just anyone. The people who joined me had to be empathetic, strong, resilient and willing to keep learning. Most importantly, they needed big hearts. I was fortunate to find two incredible colleagues who were the perfect fit. Together, we built a small but mighty team.
Since then, we’ve doubled the number of people we support year after year. We now have volunteers, youth ambassadors and a growing network of supporters who share our mission. Our expanded services meet the real needs of our community, from children and families to schools, workplaces and professionals. We don’t just offer one-off conversations; we provide continuity, compassion and practical guidance at every stage of bereavement.
The impact of The Never Alone Project is perhaps most visible in workplaces, where grief is often invisible.
Elaine Chillingsworth, Tax Assistant Manager at TC Group, shared the difference that personalised support can make: “Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a loved one. When I lost my dear father, I felt completely adrift and didn’t know where to turn. Thankfully I was introduced to Jodie, The Never Alone Project’s Bereavement Service Manager. She offered the understanding, compassion and guidance that TNAP provides. That experience is why I’m such a passionate advocate for the charity. No one should ever have to face grief alone.
“For businesses, the work TNAP does is invaluable. Grief affects every part of life, and you don’t just leave it at the office door. Having access to trusted support can make a huge difference for employees navigating such a difficult time.
“I’m incredibly grateful and proud that TC Group has chosen to support TNAP. Together we’re helping to raise awareness and ensure others can access the same kind of vital support that helped me so much.”
Four years in, TNAP is still growing, and with that comes new challenges. But the heart of the project remains unchanged.
For me, the journey from personal tragedy to building a charity has been both the hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Grief will always leave a scar, but with the right support, it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.
That’s the message I want every grieving child, parent, and family to hear: you are never alone.
To find out more about TNAP and donate, visit our website here.
