Three quarters of all suicides in the UK are men. 77% of men have suffered with common mental health symptoms like anxiety, stress or depression. 40% of men have never spoken to anyone about their mental health.
Yes, but it happens to ‘other’ men doesn’t it? You know those shy, uncomfortable, fragile and lacking in confidence men.
At the start of 2023 as an outgoing, comfortable, loud, business-owning confident man I started suffering from a low mood and had a brief panic attack. Within a month it turned into life stopping anxiety and deep, dark depression.
My doctor tried me on three different anti-depressant medications. They didn’t work and made me worse. I had a GP shouting at me to ‘calm down’ in the middle of a panic attack. I experienced psychosis and ended up in psychiat- ric care for ten days.
I genuinely thought this type of thing didn’t happen to people like me.
At the start of 2024 I decided to share my middle-aged mental health crisis journey on social media to support others. Within hours I was receiving personal messages from guys of a similar age sharing very similar experiences.
So why don’t men, especially middle aged men, talk about their mental health?
Why don’t men discuss that anxiety and depression can happen to anyone, at any time in any way?
Why is male mental health a UK-wide pandemic? It is destroying men, their partners, their wives, their families and their businesses.
One of the reasons, and business owners will know this very well, is that society’s definition of masculinity remains very much in the past.
Too often the world defines ‘masculinity’ for middle- aged men as being emotionless, physically strong, sexually strong, wealthy and unconquerable. If you are working in business, masculinity is working all the hours available, keeping on top of emails at the weekend, eating on the move, socialising with fatty food and alcohol while putting others, including your family, second.
Self-help books, guides or online support groups for middle-aged men are few and far between. If there is any ‘help’ out there then it is some irritating social media advert telling me as a 52-year-old how to get a body of a 25-year-old or how many men are now taking an improved version of Viagra.
Trying to live up to that nonsense leads to self-loathing, anxiety and depression.
Real masculinity is about accepting that emotions are variable, knowing that it’s ok to not to always be on your game, recognising that happiness is not about money, that ‘turning up’ for yourself is really important and asking for help is okay.
If you broke your leg you wouldn’t decide to just get on with it. You would seek help otherwise you could be permanently disabled. If you had a chest infection you wouldn’t decide to just get on with it. You would seek help otherwise you could get life-threatening pneumonia.
Too many men suffer from poor mental health and hope it will go away. It won’t. It gets worse.
The good news is that 75% of mental health illnesses can be managed by your GP with safe and reliable medication. There are now some amazing therapists out there that can literally help you change your life. I should know.
Whether you work in or own a business there is stuff that you can and should do. You can’t leave it to chance. Remember when men hit middle-age, real and tangible stuff hits us physiologically.
We do get a loss of muscle mass and a reduced ability to exercise. Changes to the level of testosterone and distribution of fat in our bodies can lead to the dreaded man boobs and beer belly. Sleeping gets harder, tiredness increases and our ability to concentrate gets more difficult.
Try to manage the all-too-easy desire of ‘self- medicating.’ While a few beers, a cigarette at break time or a puff of weed may have a calming effect it will not help you over time. It will just add to your emotional challenges as will starving yourself all day at work which too often leads to bingeing when you get home.
There is no silver bullet to good mental health. The answer is small and consistent changes – getting some exercise, changes to your diet, relaxing. Small and consistent changes to your life. If you don’t change anything, nothing will change.
I recently told the BBC, who interviewed me about my journey, that I don’t want anyone to go through what I have been through. It was life crushing. It was awful. You don’t have to live with poor mental health. You can do something about it.
Follow Ashley’s mental health journey at Blue Soul Shoes which has pages on Facebook and LinkedIn.
Managing Director
Ashley Riley Communications
